It has been 4 days since my last blog post. The reason … Holy Spirit sucked me up out of my life and took me back to the beginning of my resurrection.
This post is not like the others… no scripture revelation, no WOW moment. This is a quiet moment in the stillness of the nothingness. I sit and ponder as I edit a BOOK the Lord wrote by the Holy Spirit’s anointing upon me. It has been lying dormant for 3 years… CO-INCIDENCE? It has suddenly resurrected, so to speak. I can not even tell why or how but it is what it is…
As I read through the pages I am overtaken by emotion as I remember vividly the details. I am transported back to that moment as though I had never left. It has turned me upside down and inside out. It is 4 years that I had the vision. Quite a dramatic vision that has forever changed my life. It was 7 months until I could journal the vision. It was another 3 months when I was supernaturally empowered to write the book. It was like a movie in my minds eye so real I could feel and touch everything around me. I was in the vision and yet I was watching it all happen before my very eyes.
I find myself in the same upside down, inside out feeling I had before. It is horrifying to have died and find death is not what the world thinks or says it is. Even worse… is to see the real you through the eyes of a holy God. I do not know of many who choose to return to this life after dying… but I did!
I spent the past 4 days editing and trying to get through the pages without being so emotionally overwhelmed I am unable to separate from there to here. As I read more and more I find the book is still telling my story. It is alive in that it reveals what has been, what is and what will be without me even intentionally writing it. It is my past present and future unfolding before my very eyes. My heart is broken as I realize I have been lead stray by my own lack of wisdom and understanding. My purpose is to tell the truth to those who have been deceived by all the lies the false church is preaching and teaching. The true church is not a building but a gathering of souls longing to walk and talk with our Savior and God. We are a people who have CIRCUMCISED AND CRUCIFIED our FLESHLY NATURE and given ourselves wholly to the Spirit of God to live and breath and have his being in us. It is He who directs our paths and teaches us truth. He discerns the good and evil. He has even brought us to the place of nothingness. We desire nothing of this world to gain all that He has within the spirit world. His kingdom is a kingdom of righteousness, truth, love, joy, peace…. you know them or at least you should…
I am not here for any reason but to tell the world there is so much more to see, know and feel far beyond a church service. There is a God so real so touchable and so amazing in his love for us that I can not stand my own flesh. Every time I meet with him or He whispers my name, I am taken away in utter speechlessness. When I return… which I do not want to leave his presence…. I find myself having to readjust to living in this restricting fleshly vessel here on earth. But since I am re-reading the book and the vision has caught me away; raptured me back into the Kingdom I am so undone within myself. I feel my spirit, soul and body crying out to God “Do Not Leave Me Here!
It is 4 days and today on this Sabbath day I slept almost all day. My emotions uprooted and exposed before the Father, Son and Holy Spirit. My true heart has been revealed and I have been fighting with God for 4 long years. Not resisting him but trying to find how to do what I was created to do in my own ability and knowledge. My downfall is since my experience I have struggled to live here in this world that does not abide by His Laws. He tells me to tell the truth… the world does not want the truth. This is my warfare. Where are all the people who say they love God but spend no time with Him! Where are all the people who say they are Christians and yet they live in habitual sin without conviction! Willful sin … One who knows what is right and wrong and still chooses to do what is wrong… The Lord says… to him who knows to do good and does not do it to him it is sin. They claim GRACE, GRACE and more Grace!
In my vision after I died and was resurrected I was taught the TRUTH. I can not tell you enough times how God is so patient and forgiving …IN OUR IGNORANCE! What I was taught as a child was a lie… What I heard in Church… lies… I am not saying it is all lies but half truths are still a lie. We are not getting the whole story! Let me advise you with 1 small piece of truth. Grace does not mean you can keep on sinning and God overlooks it!
I am so grieved in my spirit; my soul has gone into spiritual shock. Since my return to earth and this horrible fleshly body… I make time… I purposely set time aside just to walk and talk with my God every morning and evening. If the opportunity arises throughout the day I grab it and cling to it. I do not mean You have to be religious… we have enough of that hypocrisy every Sunday. People drag their feet coming in to “worship” God and people dread every moment waiting… eager, anticipating, running out the door as fast as they can. That should tell the church something! I find the only ones who enjoy church are the ones who like to gossip or be the boss. There are those who just like to be busy and those who enjoy the children but the church is not what God intended.
I am hoping my book is out by Passover/ Easter season. Perhaps if one person finds the truth it will be worth me sacrificing my spiritual home to return to this earth and willingly leaving the kingdom of God to tell the truth He is trying to reveal to those deceived, broken, lost, rejected, abandoned, stoned, pillarized ( crucified by man not God), abused, neglected, homeless, fatherless, left as orphans, sick, dis-eased, blind, deaf, pitiful, poor, naked, ashamed and tormented by the world… the WORLD… the devils play ground. Where we willingly allow him(evil) to use us to do harm to others all for the sake of feeling better about ourselves. ITS NOT GOD’S WILL, PLAN OR DESIRE!
My return to the kingdom has shaken me up and reminded me of my purpose. In the process of it all I have been stripped bare of everything I took for granted and depended on to enjoy this life and all its blessings from God. My focus is the truth not enjoying life. The past few weeks have been a test of faith, hope and love! Will I still trust God when everything is stripped away? Will I still put my hope in God when there seems to be nothing happening but more stripping away of all I possess? Will I still love the one who saved me even when I do not see an end in sight. Will I still worship, praise, be thankful, still share the gospel and tell the truth despite my natural earthly condition?
I can say YES! This test no matter how long the Lord chooses to allow it… I can not deny what I have seen and heard in His kingdom. If He allows the enemy to strip me naked and take everything from me… I will still proclaim His Goodness to Me! The enemy can have it all… I know I can not take anything with me… Should He allow the enemy to take my life in the midst of it all… Then I will finally be able to go home to the Lover of my soul! How hard it is to live here but He has given me a gift that enables me to endure… I can return home anytime I choose just by Worship, praise and thanksgiving… I can escape this dark world and enter into the Garden of Eden with a thought, a Word or song in my heart!
MY DESIRE IS FOR ALL TO SEEK THIS GIFT AND POSSESS IT… IT TRULY IS HEAVEN ON EARTH