A Longing for more of God

A hope deferred makes the heart….home sick

 

20150816_194225.jpgI have been spending more and more time in the presence of the Lord.  Seeking more than ever to know him as he is… all that he is.  As I journal all the visions, words of knowledge, revelations that are downloaded into my spirit I am utterly speechless how perfectly detailed my God is.  When I try to grasp the how and the why … he teases me with even more knowledge and wisdom.  Where do I begin, because it never ends, it is always expanding just as light has no end, neither does God’s wisdom.

In utter awe and wonder I sit on the floor with my face to the ground, weeping from the pit of my soul… How ignorant we are.  My God forgive us.  We have no idea what we are doing?  We think we are doing good, doing the will of God, obey his commandments and all the duties we think are required… to be accepted by him.  When all he is asking us to do is come… be with Him.  Come, enjoy his company… He has plenty of food and drink… but not as the fleshly man thinks.  His food is spirit and his drink so far beyond refreshing. It is as getting high on his Words… spoken from his heart.  I can not stand myself.  I fall down in worship because I am blessed that he should reveal himself to me.   Who am I?   I seem to be alone in this pursuit of my God.  The more I try to share my experiences with others the more they rebuke me, mock me and reject me.  They say I’ve gone to far… too deep.  Life is so beautiful on the other side of … ignorance?  Ignorance in choosing not to know! My spirit grieves for them.  If I could open their eyes I would… but faith stands as a wall between us.  They choose not to see, I choose to see as much as He is willing to reveal.

I suppose it is a good thing I have never been a needy/ people person.  I have no qualms with sitting alone waiting on my Lord.  I have no regrets and I only desire to help some one be delivered from this fleshly life.  If only! … I am speechless after my time with the Lord… Overwhelmed by his wisdom, his goodness, his love!   Every encounter makes me want to stay a little longer… he bids me to return to share His Wisdom and Truth.  But who will hear what he is saying… who will be ready and waiting when he returns to collect his “Beloved”.  How many can say they are His Beloved… How many can say He is their Beloved?  His kingdom is built on love.  YaHaVaH… God is Love!

His love is perfect!  And Perfect Love destroys, fear, doubt, worry, anxiety and every other misery found in the earth.  He tests my love for him and I am found lacking…Everything he does reveals one more small speck that separates me from him… I am more than eager to remove that speck and to make more room in my heart and mind for him.   He can seek “any” areas of my heart and mind and reveal the dirt hidden in the cracks and crevices.  I do not mind.  I want to  be all he wants me to be, all he created me to be. I can not have dirt from my past soiling the garment of righteousness he gave me.  I can not keep in contact with those things that soiled me in the past.  Purging my house releases me from trying to hide  all the secrets, hurts, pains, sorrows, wounds and memories that destroyed me in the past life.  I am a new creation… resurrected a spiritual being… to be like Christ, to imitate him, to follow his example.  Not to show off, boast of my relationship or the visions and wisdom he has taught me… Nay say I… But to woo one soul closer to the one I have come to love so dearly. I can hardly stand to be silent about him. If I could only open the eyes of the heart to see and understand how deep the love of God is… no one would be able to resist him. No one would be able to say no to him.

I have surrendered all for him, to him… nothing compares to knowing him. nothing here compares to what is there…His kingdom is full of life without limits… not the clutter of things.  What are things?  Distractions to keep us from him.  Getting caught up in the blessings and forgetting the one who gave the blessings.  We do our earthly and spiritual duties going through the motions in a hurry to get it done and over with… does that please God?   What if God treated us the way we treat him?  Ouch!

We have the life we sow(ed)… some seeds take longer than others to sprout and come to maturity.  So we have to endure…TIME!… to reap what we have sown… good and evil.  Sometimes we are surprised by a harvest, good or evil… that showed up in our life without knowing; who, what, when, where, how?  Be sure your sin will find you out and good deeds can not be hidden for long!  Everything goes around and comes around full circle.  Be careful where you sow, what you sow and how you sow… your harvest depends on it!

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