I have been in some deep spiritual warfare. Up rooted by something dear to my heart. I went into prayer seeking God’s face for some answers. If I was being led in a new direction since I finished the last mission. As I kept trying to understand the meaning of what I saw; I became more and more disturbed in my soul. Is this really God after all the hard labor He has been doing in me to separate me from the past… Did he want me to return and undo or make amends…a second chance to do it right?
A long story short… Today… the 3rd day, the Holy Spirit finally revealed the enemy at work. This was a distraction to detour me from God’s will. How do I know that? I have to say I spent the whole day isolated and refused to leave without hearing from the Holy Spirit… Yeah or Nay! How did I get my answer… Not by begging or pleading but by loving on God and putting everything else behind me. I knew I would have to clear my mind of all the clutter. The thoughts, grief and the past. I had to sever my emotions and do what I know to do… Worship God and pour out my love on the one who loved me so much He came down to hell and plucked me up and carried me out. Yeah Sounds amazing… but at the time… I knew it not. What do the dead know… nothing but nothing! It is the waking up that is the torment of knowing someone had the nerve… the audacity to revive me to endure yet more hell.
You may ask how could I not know? How could I not know I was in heaven? How could I not know it was God? What can I say… They did not look like rays of light nor did they appear as angels… they appeared… human. I say they because the THREE of them were there. In time I learned I was dead but revived for a greater purpose. To learn a better way! What was the point if I was dead yet alive in some place that looked like Eden?
Words can not explain what I saw with my eyes but it is not what others see when they go to heaven… No diamonds and rubies, no crystal sea, no walls, gates or streets of gold! Everything I learned there made me want to come back to this world to tell the truth! Little did I know few want to know the truth! What is worse… is now I can see the good and the evil side by side at work in everything! I sends chills through my flesh just remembering. Now I find I am being tested… a continuous battle with the enemy because he hates that” I AM BACK”! He thinks he can pick up where he left off before I died! Little does he know… I am already RESURRECTED! I can’t die a second time! He may trip me sometimes but I can not fall because He who is in me is greater than he who is in the world.
As the enemy works out his plot to no longer destroy me but to distract me with good deeds. My weakness – wounded, abused and forsaken souls… young and old alike. So of course this is what he will use to turn me away from God’s will. I defended myself… sadly to say… before the Lord… it is a good deed and you command us to help those in need… the fatherless, orphans, widows, the abused, rejected, poor, needy… ect…
His reply to me … I have others to do that work. This is not the work I have resurrected you to do! Well, Needless to say… I repent! Though I still question him in my flesh. These things are good… so I need help to trust you. I need discernment This is where I find myself … DO I TRUST HIM?
This is what the Holy Spirit reveals in the midst of worship- the art of just letting go and resting in his love for me and receiving his peace that surpasses all understanding. He is a big God and we all have our PART in the BODY. Was I trying to be a hand or a heart perhaps a foot? Regardless… I was not resurrected for that purpose I had in the past life. I now was part of who HE is… the Head. I see what he sees. I hear what he hears. I think what he thinks and I can only speak what he speaks! Never before did I ever see myself as part of the head but only a body part that needed told what to do and sometimes… forced to do what I did not want to do! The discipline is not pleasant. How can I ever thank him for resurrecting me to head position… promotion is awesome but at a cost! I will say.. it was a crucifying of the flesh and circumcising of the heart… not to act out in my emotions but to be obedient to Him alone not my soul or flesh!
This is where the enemy tried to DEMOTE me back to a body part that he can manipulate…If I stop thinking like Christ, seeing what he sees, hearing what he says or speaking what His Word says then I will find myself DEMOTED to a body part! I did not like that position! I like it up here where I can see everything clearer, where the eagles soar! Shall I describe it like being on top of the mountain and looking down on creation! I do not look down in pride but I look and see that the Body is being under bondage to the flesh. Reacting and falling flat on its “face”! The head does not like that position but the body has to start listening to the head to stay “upright”! It is only the eye and ear that can warn the body of danger. But if the eye and ear is distracted… OOPS! We trip and fall! If the body does not heed the warning… again…OOPS! We trip and fall!
This is what we must learn. I am so thankful the past 3 days I stayed isolated and in prayer. I did not want to go or do anything without knowing the perfect will of God! I did not ask advise from anyone… I wanted God’s advice not man’s. I learned in the past… man can only see the fleshly good deeds. But God is above the good deeds because some things are satan portraying himself to be an “angel of light” to deceive many by good deeds.
If Adam and Eve could not perceive what makes me think I can… it is only the Spirit that can reveal the TRUTH! He uncovers the “false light” that appears good but is not God. Here satan was trying to use a little child to lure me away from my destiny! Very subtle, very sneaky using my “heart for children” to lure me away from attending to God’s work for me. It worked before… in the past… But thank God he taught me to always seek confirmation before doing anything! Only in those moments of a Holy Spirit takeover… The Anointing… will I do anything immediately!
So I find my peace again! All the doors are open to His presence. The heaviness and grief is gone. The Joy of the Lord is like a beacon shining brightly again. I am back on track after a 3 day layover… a delay. But God used it all for good. Not only did he reveal something else in me that needed uprooted, bound up and cast out it also reveals just how much he longs for me to be free, perfected in love for him and obedience to him. Once again He answered my prayer… if there is ANYTHING in me that keeps me from drawing nearer to you; to know you more… reveal it and uproot it so I can know you as you are.
You are my Beloved and I am yours… never be silent to me or I will surely die.
I live to hear your voice speak life into me!
My heart beats because of you, your presence living in me.
I live because the Breath of life dwells in me!
Spirit, soul and body I am yours, yours alone.