I love being in the garden with my Beloved. I linger as long as he will allow. As we walk and talk about everything and anything I can not help but smile. I just love when he tells me his secrets. I love when he reveals his heart to me. I love getting to know him as he is… who he is… all he is.
Sometimes I find myself so overwhelmed… I close my eyes, raise my hands, let go of myself and begin to dance to the joy that fills my soul. I let the presence of my Beloved consume me and all my flesh disappears. I give all of myself to him whom my heart desires. I can feel him surround me with his breathtaking love. Who can compare to him? He is the joy of my life. He is the reason I smile. He is the reason I love. He is the very breath of my being and without him… I am nothing.
He lets me find him in the secret place… in the garden… He smiles, taking me in his arms and holding me tight to let me know he missed me too. He lets me know he is overjoyed that I seek him when he calls me to himself. He is pleased when I seek him… just to be with him, not asking for anything but to just be in his presence and love on him with my whole heart.
He is patient and kind, always awaiting for me to answer his call… Sometimes testing me to see if I will come… anytime, any place, day or night… How can I resist the sound of his voice. At times it is like the ocean calling to me. Still other times he is the breeze in the air that carries with it the sweetness of his scent. Yet there are moments in the stillness of the nothingness… He makes himself known and I shudder within myself and my whole body trembles uncontrollably.
Who am I that he desires to see me, speak with me, walk and talk with me? Who am I that he tells me the secrets of his heart and the joys and delights he holds within himself? What does he see in me that I can not see … why he should call me by name? Why should he call me to himself to dance with me and make beautiful music together.
I find myself writing love letters to my beloved when we are not together… and still… I feel he sees every word written, every tear shed and the moments I spend pondering… longing to be with him … forever.
I sit by the waters edge and remember the days we sat there talking. I am captivated by every word he speaks. I take walks in the meadow and dream about dancing for him and longing for him to meet me and embrace me once again. I linger in the sunlight as it reminds me of his presence and his glory… making me feel whole, complete, healed, overjoyed and free!
I hear the music in my soul. I can smile… because I know only he and I can hear it! Though there are moments others around me feel it or see the light radiating from his presence all around me. I alone get to embrace it with him. We have our own language; our own music; our own way of communicating to one another that only we understand.
I sometimes fall asleep in his arms as we sit and be … just resting in him as I gaze upon creation in awe and wonder of it all.
I find myself speaking to him in my sleep and I smile because I know he is here with me. When I wake I find myself in my bed… lying there I look around as though my Beloved should be there by my side. I rise each morning eager to speak with my Beloved. I thank him for yet one more day to know him and to love him. I praise him for his goodness to me and pour out my heart in gratitude for his great love. I tell him how much he means to me and I never want to know a day without him.
When I am forced to go out there… in the world of chaos and darkness… I do not fear. I do not worry. I can not understand those who do not acknowledge my Beloved. Why is it they believe he is not here? How is it they can not see him as I do? I can not make them see what they do not desire to see. I can not make them understand what they do not wish to know. I can not make them love my Beloved as I do… and that breaks my heart. I long to return to “our place” where we meet and fellowship together whether in spirit, soul or body. I know he longs to be loved and heard. He longs to be in relationship… not ignored, not used… not played by the hypocrite.
How can I tell them… show them… explain to them all the wonderful things you are to me… and you desire to be to them. I sit and look into the night sky and I can only wonder when you will come for me? When will you miss me more than you can stand and come to take me to yourself? What can I do to make you desire to come take me to be with you forever?
I still say YES to you… I will stay… as long as you need me… to use this vessel to walk and talk here in this place. I have found none who are hungry for truth. I find none who long for you more than life and breath. I find none willing to crucify their fleshly life to draw nearer to you. I find none who are willing to circumcise the flesh that separates… from you having complete access and take up residence within them spirit, soul and body…
I guess what I am saying is… I find no one who wants to marry you. Is there not one left? Is there one who desires to walk away from everything they know, perceive, understand, live and take pleasure in… to walk with you and get to know who you really are? Who is willing to walk away from life… die to self and go into the unknown… empty handed and allow you to strip away everything man calls normal… to be resurrected a spirit being… to see what you see, hear what the Spirit is saying, speak what you say, do as you do, walk by your side at the cost of being rejected by everyone… even ones own family… spiritual and natural. Being rejected and called a freak, apostate, legalist, lover of the law, deceived and a liar.
I bear it with great joy. For I know my Beloved is the LAW-MAKER to keep me safe, I know my Beloved is a legalist for you do JUSTICE against the wicked, I know my Beloved is THE TRUTH and THE LIFE… you can not lie… not even to me.. your beloved. As far as apostate… I agree… I will not join in fellowship with the lawless ones who choose not to be under your authority… like a rebellious wife. I say yes… I am a freak… for I do not join in with the world and cling to the things of this world. I do not live to work, or to please others. I do not live to be entertained by the sinfulness of what the world calls normal. I will not even partake in the things the so called body of believers calls righteousness. For I find it … a form of godliness but they deny the truth…
My Beloved is the Word, the Word is Spirit… and the Word is alive and active… sharper than any 2 edged sword to divide the truth and the lie; the light and the dark; the good and the evil; flesh and spirit; life and death.
I will gladly empty out myself so you can possess more of me… all of me. Take up residence within me and do your will. Whatever you desire to do here… you can use me. I only ask that it be you and not I doing it. I am only a vessel. I die daily so you can possess all of me. If the day comes there is nothing else you desire to do in me or through me… then do not leave me here empty… take me home with you when you go. There is no purpose here for me without you. The moment you leave I will die for you are the life and breath in me.
I am waiting… and while I wait… use me. While I wait… talk to me, walk with me… let me walk with you and talk with you. Never be silent. Remember your words to me, never be silent, never hide your heart, never fear. So keep your word to me as you taught me your ways.
I will wait. I will not be silent… how can I be? You are wonderful and your love for me compels me to praise you and pour out my heart to you. I can not keep silent or I would burst like a dam… like old wines skins filled with new wine. Your Word is like fresh wine.. it expands and grows within me and I burst from within my spirit and soul and everything around me gets saturated by it.
I am my Beloved’s and he is mine… lets us go into the garden and dance among the flowers… the Word of Truth… like scented flowers sending out healing from its fragrance and like sweet wine that makes joyful the heart… healing everything it touches. The Word… like sunshine bursting forth over the horizon scattering the darkness. Like the music that only a joyful heart can make… that only you can hear… I can feel you smile. It makes me smile to see your face glowing like the sun at noonday!
There is peace… peace and rest with you. You are my Sabbath.. I will rest in you… everyday of my life. I will delight myself in you… The Word.. The Truth .
I am waiting… for you to take my hand and walk out of this world and into yours… never to be separated again. You are with me always… I know… but its just different when this flesh will no longer be separating us, time will be no more…
I am waiting…