Here I Am

Here I Am

My journey out into the unknown has proven to be a journey into the presence of my God and all his wonders and goodness stored up for me. Who could imagine… following the Spirit… not knowing where He is leading would take me up the backside of the Mountain of God. A path not well traveled… overgrown from lack of use. 

It is here I found just how determined I am to be nearer to my God.  I was not good enough for man… I was not accepted nor allowed to enter in to learn the way of righteousness.  I was given the bare necessities to say…I’m a “christian”.   No victory over sin, under oppression of evil everyday of my so called life that was no life but a daily death to me.

It was the stranger who pulled me aside in secret and showed me a secret pathway to the top of the Mountian.  Man is not aware of this path, it  is a hidden doorway veiled from man’s eyes. Only the Spirit can reveal its opening.

He saw my… hunger and determination as man kept stopping me from ascending the Mounian of God. The more they tried to stop me the more determined I became to find my way up … by night if necessary to steal away in the midnight hours when man is sleeping and not keeping watch.

They always caught me in the daylight and forced me back down the Mountain. My resistance made them more determined to keep me from even entering the garden.   They put guards at every gate so I could not even enjoy sitting in the garden.

The Spirit, dressed in human form was an older man who appeared to me out of no where. He only put his finger to his lips to say shshsh and motioned me to follow him.  In ignorance I followed without thinking any evil of him.

Once in the garden he whispered,  There is a way to the top of the mountain if you really want to ascend to worship God.    I confessed they will not allow me to go up… I am a woman and unclean.

Smiling, he  replys, they don’t know the way that is why they do not want you to go up.  They can not find their way so they hinder anyone from going up where they cannot go.   They do not want to take the chance of someone finding out they are ignorant of the way.  They become a laughing stock to the world.  There is a secret path they know not of… the backside of the mountain out of view from the public eye.   What they do is for men to see so they can boast.   This is why they cannot find they way.

As I agreed to follow him he began walking stealthily upward. I was eager to follow even though it was rocky and steep.   The thick brush and fallen trees hindered my ability to keep up. Avoiding tree branches, thornbushes and large boulders I kept following.   It was only when I slipped on loose rocks I almost fell backward down the Mountain.   I do not know how but the man had grabbed me and kept me from falling.  My eyes caught his… the look in his eyes made me to know he would not leave me behind.

This man, a stranger, was so kind and gracious, unlike those men guarding the Mountain. He saw my weakness…exhausted from the hardship. He helped me to a clearing and made me to sit under a tree on a large flat rock.  He gave me a drink from where he got the water I do not know.  I gulped it down.

He spoke kindly to me while I rested. He encouraged me to endure for it would be well worth the hardship.  He rose from the rock, reached for my hand, looking into his eyes I reached for him and he pulled me to my feet. I felt his strength and it empowered me to go on.  We climbed upward still higher.  The air thinner the vegetation sparse and not as difficult. I could feel the difference within me.   He suddenly stopped and turned to me.  I looked up from the path and waited for him to speak.   He only said, from here on you can go on your own. No one will stop you.  The way is clear and plain to see. Go, do what you came to do.  Do what your heart desires, stay as long as you want.  No one will interfere, no one will stop you or hurt you from here on.

I thanked the man and asked how I could repay him for his kindness.  He replied, you already have repaid me by allowing me to lead you to God.   I began to climb upward toward the top top feeling the anticipation of being free to ascend and worship God with all my heart soul and body.

At last, I stand victorious on the top of the Mountain.  I begin to worship, being thankful for the man God sent to help me find the way, to the place I long to be…here in your presence, unhindered, unbothered by the world… to pour out my heart, my love and my gratitude… for calling me up to Yourself.

You reveal Yourself to me and I am changed… how can I ever go back? How can I ever descend again into the valley below… its not where I belong,  I belong here with You.  My desire is to be with you forever and forever. I give my life to You…have Your way… Do Your Will.

Possess me completely to walk upon the earth… to see, to hear, to speak, to know and feel, to do whatever You desire to do… to reveal Yourself, Your Presence to whom so ever will hear Your voice and heed Your Word. I give myself to you… use me as long as You desire. I only ask that You allow me to watch and learn from You so I can be like You.

Here I am… You called, I came.  I am at Your beckoning call. Ask anything and I will say Yes.  Even when I have no idea what I am doing… I say Yes to You… because I now know it is not I but You in me doing the work. You only ask to use this body of mine that You created for Your Glory, Honor and Praise… to revealed Yourself on the earth. I say yes… because You revealed Yourself to me… and I desire all to know You as I do.

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