As I meander around the garden of my mind I find myself seeking my FATHER’s face. I am not accustomed to seeking Him in the garden but only in the throne room in the midst of Worship, Praise and Thanksgiving or intercession. But today for some reason I seek His face for advice that I normally go to my Beloved or the Teacher to help me understand. I suppose I need a Father at this moment, not a lover who is always supporting me and encouraging me nor a Teacher to answer me with yet another question. I need a Father’s point of view. Not having that as a child I dive in to the opportunity to know what a father thinks; how he sees his children. As a mother I see my kids different than I do other kids. I know their weaknesses, strengths, gifts and calling on their life. Odd how I can see that in my children but not in myself… so I seek my Father’s face.
Will He be too BUSY?
I keep walking on in the garden among the many scented flowers listening to the music in my heart. I find myself lost in the fragrance of the potpourri that permeates my senses. I close my eyes and just let go of all my thoughts as I walk on not giving a thought to my steps. I feel a tingling come over me and I quickly open my eyes to find the Father waiting for me on the garden bench under the rose arbor. My favorite place in the garden where the roses have a scent not like the ones on earth. They smell real if that makes any sense to anyone else. Its like a store bought tomato and a home grown tomato… every one knows the difference.
Anyway, I smile from ear to ear as I see my FATHER watching me just be free in the garden enjoying … His Rest. I walk over and kiss him on the cheek and whisper I was looking for you. He smiles and says… I know. It makes me well up with tears that he knows me… every thought, every emotion, every longing in my soul. He motions for me to sit beside him and he puts his arm around me so tenderly. He inquires, What is it that you seek to ask me? I hesitate. He whispers, I already know so just say it. Tears slowly trickle down my cheek and he wipes them away with his gentle touch. I look into his eyes and say… I miss you.
At that he takes me in his arms and holds me so close to his heart I can feel it beating with mine. It makes me tremble. I cry more… because his love for me overwhelms me that I can not stand to be separated from him. He whispers, “I love to hear you say that. But why is it you miss me so when I am always near.” I reply, “It is one thing to know you are near. It is quite another to be engaged in conversing with you. You are what I long for… to fellowship, to hear you speak to me and tell me what I am created for; what you would have me to do for you. I need purpose for being Resurrected from the dead, otherwise I remain dead. I feel like an invisible spirit without a body to inhabit to do some good on the earth. If I have no purpose… then do not make me go back “there” where it is empty, without others hungering for your presence. I have nothing in common with them… with the fleshly bound souls. I do not belong there; I belong here… at home… with you.
The FATHER kisses my forehead and responds with a tear in his eye which moves me to ask his forgiveness. He takes my face in his hands; turns my face toward his and looks into my soul and speaks life to me. “I AM delighted you feel this way. You are created for a purpose and a destiny, I wait until you are ready to receive what it is I have for you. I never force you to do anything you are not ready to do willingly. I desire a willing heart to do my will. It pleases me when my children ask me how they can help me. I enjoy allowing them to help me and to show them how the kingdom works. Any child is welcome to come learn how to work in the kingdom. The more they learn willingly and succeed the more authority I can give them. But it is a labor of love, forsaking all other loves. Many start out with good intentions but the demands become more than they are willing to sacrifice for the kingdom and they turn back. It is not that they do not love me but the sacrifice is more than they desire to surrender. There are few very few who surrender all.”
I blurt out! “I have nothing of my own. It all belongs to you. It’s been bought and paid for… redeemed by my Savior. Were it not for you sending your Son… I would be still be in hell, the never ending torment and darkness consuming me forever. Why You chose to save me I will never understand. I have nothing to offer you, nothing to give you. I am empty; except now… Your love in me… overflowing and overwhelming me. I am “lovesick” for a father I never had, never knew until you revealed yourself to me. I do not know why you love me so… But I am so grateful, so thankful that you do. I want to do something to show my love, my gratitude; my thanks. I expect no reward. You are my reward. I desire nothing but to stay with you all my days; all my life. “
I grab my FATHER and cling to him as my heart aches deep within. I blubber; “I just love you so much.”
I feel him gather me up in his arms and he walks as I bury my face in his chest. I do not want to let go. I do not want to go back… to that place where no one hungers to know my FATHER and his kingdom and his great love. I can not fathom who would not want to know him and then it hits me… I once was… like them. I tell my FATHER I am sorry. He inquires why? I remind him… I once was… like them. And I forget… because I am no longer that person who did not seek you, love you… know you. He holds me tighter in his arms. I put my arms around his neck and hold on for dear life.
He quietly says come sit and I will give you drink from the river. I look up and see… he has brought me to my favorite place, the place where all my filth was washed away and I was made clean… inside… the place I no longer felt like the scum of the earth. He brought me a cup of cool water and laid his hand on my head. He sat with me and just talked… not about anything spiritual, nothing amazing, inspiring or mystical… just every day talk. I enjoyed his company and just listening to him talk to me… because he enjoys my company. not to boss me around or to point out my faults, sins, stupidity and ignorance… just to be what I needed him to be … HUMAN.