I am amazed how great God is to me every day. He continues to speak to me and reveal mysteries to me daily. As I listen; I find He provides “Opportunity” to test the revelation. Daily I walk in the truth as he reveals it to me. I can not say I have 100% success. I always pray for him to give me grace while I practice applying what he has taught me. Sometimes I find I do not quite understand exactly what he means… So I go back to sitting at his feet and question the truth! What am I missing? Where lies my fault. It is always hidden in ignorance… lack of understanding.
Every word he speaks reveals something written… I find within the written a spiritual truth that makes me fall down in wonder and awe… why is this not revealed in the church… who says we are no longer under the Law of the Old Covenant. What God the Father has revealed through the Son, the Written Word who gives me his Spirit… the Spoken Word to interpret the Word in Spirit and Truth… The old is the new and the new is the old… there is no difference… he only reveals it through spiritual eyes. He has shown me what he sees through his eyes… All things are good because God is good… he is only good.
My mind is utterly blank… I can not speak a word to express the magnificent glory of the spirit realm. I have come to a place in my life… I am ready to unload all the things of this world and just be free. I am free from all the cares of this world and I enter into a realm where there is no hindrances of the flesh-( the natural man) the world and the enemy. I come running into the Garden of Eden… the Garden of Pardes… we call paradise. It is a kingdom of truth, life, light and love. In this kingdom there is no fear of evil. Once one can grasp that all things are good it breaks the power of fear. For it is written… perfected love drives out all fear.
I have come to several crossroads… the valley of decision…that moment that I know it will change my forever. I must make the right decision or it will change everything. I can not risk losing what I have found… a precious treasure… Truth. I have been Resurrected and I will not turn back.
If I could put into words all the visions I have seen in the spirit that have transformed my life it would be volumes not just a book. We all have a story… if we all wrote our story… from the beginning of time in the Garden to the end of time… the world would not be able to contain all the books written of mans encounter with God.
I find myself longing for more of him; less of me… to the point I cry out I want all of you none of me! Little did realize He would test the cry of my heart. It shook me to my core… it caught me off guard. Am I willing to give up my dream, my business, my family, my church, my friends, my finances, my farm, all my animals- dogs, cats and horses and my possessions… everything that expresses who I am… to have all of him?
At first I felt panic… I questioned myself…Was there sin that all this evil had come upon me? The more I prayed the more things turned for the worse… I turned to fasting and worship without interference from anyone or anything… It was then after the 3rd day… It happened… as clear as Me speaking to myself… I hear the Spirit speak. ” You declared you want all Of the Father; you must let go of everything that takes up room where he wants to dwell. There is no room for both if you want all of him.”
I cry… the weeping of my soul so deep… knowing no human could every contain the presence of such a Holy God and yet he chooses… desires to dwell in us and with us… I blurt out possess all of me… take it all away…just give me all of You.
I learned through my “resurrection” that the Father is moved by worship… A heart full of praise and thanksgiving… I heart humble and broken before his feet… not begging but in awe and wonder! I have no words… I must depend completely on the Holy Spirit to speak the words I can not find to express what my heart desires to say … perfectly! The Spirit takes over and I am raptured up into the kingdom once again and find grace and mercy in his presence. I find he embraces me with such a pure love I am undone… unable to stand on my own; powerless to resist him; I can not say no! It is only when I come to myself… I find my flesh crucified again… every time I die more to my natural soul-ish self the more I am made a spirit being.
I have those days I feel like I am not walking on the ground; the earth itself. I feel like I am walking on the air. I know it is the Spirit but the feeling is just so amazing to not feel the physical realm touching me and I can be free from the bondage of this world.
I have only once since my “resurrection” felt human. I shared this with a christian … who looked at me oddly. She took it to mean a good thing… I explained NO! It is not a good thing it is filthy rags… It is the first time I did not feel… HOLY! The reason behind it… I could not share… It was between the Father, Son And the Holy Spirit. It was a test… It was beyond human reasoning… it was spirit. It is quite easy to deny the flesh its desires… but to deny the spirit is quite another level of surrender. Would I trust what is written or what God spoke! This war causes a rift in the spirit! It was only through fasting that I was able to see clearly the test…a “JOB” moment not of sin but of testing… to reveal to the enemy… it is not the blessings (things) that makes me draw nearer to God; nor the goodness and favor that makes me worship and praise him. I worship and praise him and draw nearer to him just to know him more… to be in awe and wonder and express that awe and wonder to him…It is his love for me… who he is… that makes me worship him. I do not seek his hand except to hold it… to touch him, walk with him… hand in hand… that is amazing… nothing can compare. I find I do not ask him for anything… but to stay in his presence and to just talk with him a little longer… don’t make me go… back to the world. So to persuade him to allow me to stay… I begin to worship and dance; to sing in the spirit and speak with my hands. All these working to tell him thank you for allowing me to come, to know you more, to speak to you face to face. Let me stay.. and pour out my heart of love to you… though it can never compare to his love for me. UNDONE! I wake ruined… for this world… I want no parts of it… even though I live in the world… for the glory of God… allowing him to possess me so he can walk upon the earth and observe… through the disguise of my flesh… just how wicked man is… as he did in the days of Lot… he sent his angels to descend and see if it is as bad as the outcry coming up to him.
Scary…knowing God sees everything we see… through our eyes, hears what we say through our ears, knows our every thought and feeling… if he dwells in our mind and heart! He endures the evil done upon the earth. For what we have done to others we have done to Him… He dwells in us; if we make room for him… in the Holy Place (mind) and the Most Holy Place (heart). He only dwells in a clean holy place… his presence will not be defiled by sin… for he is Holy and he must judge sin… grace turns his face… so he does not look upon our sin… what we do not understand is if he turns his face away from us… he is not shining his glory…his countenance on us… kind of like the phases of the moon… reflecting the light. How strange it is to know these things and realize that all creation reveals his glory. He is here… among us… dwelling in SOME Of Us. His Spirit is Holy why do we honor man more than God, more than His Son, more than His Spirit! Woe is me! May I always keep him Holy… set apart… not made common as mere men!
My time in the kingdom has changed my life… my perception; my understanding. I continue to learn everyday. There is no comparison to the Wisdom of God. It is instead quite humbling as he reveals hidden truth some I can not repeat. But what he allows me to speak, write, reveal… I did it with zeal and awe of the wonderful privilege and honor I have received to be his vessel on the earth. I keep this vessel holy so he will have no reason to find any other place to dwell; no reason to leave me or forsake me. My love for him leaves me speechless… his love for me… overwhelms me. I let go… let it all go… just to have all of him.