Years have come and years have gone and all I have gained and loss does not compare to the freedom that has come in discovering the TRUTH. I have made many choices in my past that were not “good”. I listened to what everyone else told me to do. My gut told me they were wrong… but what did I know? I listened to my heart and my head… all those thoughts and emotions at war with my gut. The root of all sickness and dis-ease comes from ignoring that still small voice in our gut screaming, “Don’t do it!” I admit I have ignored that same voice saying, “Leap” and I chose not to. Those open doors may only come once in a life time… rarely do they circle around a second time. Few and fortunate are those who have that opportunity to re-live. I found one truth… I have buried many things… alive! I confess they tormented me from the graveyard where I buried them deep. I was oblivious to how full the graveyard had become. all those hurts, sorrows, cries… screaming out for JUSTICE!
It took a “leap of faith”. I made a decision that would stop the misery I had allowed to over take who I really am. I lost sight of who I am by listening to those who “knew” more about life than I did. Little did I realize, they were not “me”. They had a different walk, a journey that took them in the opposite direction I wanted to go.
Let me just say… I was a follower not a leader. I am naturally submissive but raised to be a doormat everyone else was allowed to trample and wipe their filthy shoes on. I became a garbage dump for everyone else to vomit in. I just kept burying it, deeper.
It is said, “What is sown is what one reaps.” If I was the soil everyone else vomited on and sowed nothing but thorns and thistle…one huge expanse of weeds, why would they expect to reap good out of the evil they sowed in my garden. No one dared to pass through this overgrown garden. If one was not thrashed by the thorns, they tripped over all the rocks they have been casting at me for many years to stone me to death… because I was too nice. They were bound and determined to prove otherwise.
I want to give some “personal” advice, not something of my own but something I learned from the Spirit of Truth. It was only when I was willing to endure all the slander, labels, persecution and abuse from others who thought they were so holy they had the right to judge, condemn and carry out the punishment they thought I deserved for not following their version of the truth. I did the unthinkable- I did the opposite of everything I thought was “right”.
Now, I can laugh… at them. The Spirit of Truth has revealed the good in all that I saw as evil. There is no greater joy then to learn, all things are good when you know the Truth. I will tell you a secret… its all about who you know! You have to pursue the Truth and make it your life’s ambition. I do not mean just a casual affair or a date night. I am talking about a commitment to knowing the Truth, loving the Truth, living with the Truth so close… closer than your skin. Just the thought makes me giddy inside.
I must warn anyone taking this “leap of faith”… it is not painless. I had to agree, willingly to go back to the graveyard and allow the Spirit of Truth to resurrect that which was buried “alive”. I admit, I was terrified! He held my hand looked me in the eye and asked me one simple question, “Do you trust me?” It took me back, his question. Did I trust… the truth? Can the truth lie? Something I never even gave a thought to pondering. What would you say?
I could not say, “No”. So, I put my soul in the palm of his hands and trusted the Truth to reveal what he saw in my past. I had no idea… he saw only good. It took “TIME” for me to get it… I mean the good. Once I got it, I took the bait, hook, line and sinker. I let the Truth tell me point blank, all the things I saw as evil and did me much harm were intended for good, despite how others used it for evil. I can say, it was hard labor, a labor of love to confront all those memories I buried so deep, in layers, they just kept resurfacing in the present.
The years continue to resurrect the past but now they are not so grievous to face. I know there is some good hidden within. I have found the peace I have been craving my whole life. I did not find it in a hu-man, not in a place, a job, or even getting what I want. I found peace by knowing the Truth. I gave up everything I thought I needed to be “happy”. It did not make me “happy”. Getting married, having kids, a career I enjoyed, a house, all that stuff did not make me “happy”. It took purging the garden of my soul of all that I perceived as evil . I could not do it… alone. I needed divine help that no hu-man could achieve with all their education, knowledge and experience.
My journey is my own. It has been good, very good. The way it was created to “BE” from the Beginning. We just do not know the Truth… so we dive into the lies we believe as the truth because we think we are wiser than the Spirit of Truth. Can what is created “Be” wiser than the Creator? That’s as silly as a child telling the parent they know better than the parent does.
I am here… alive and well, made whole without all the stuff hu-mans accumulate. With out a place to call my own, my family does not understand me, and as for friends, who is really a friend? I have learned to live with the bare necessities… a love for the Truth, and a very grateful heart for that Truth that has saved me from certain death. I once died… the Truth resurrected me from the graveyard that swallowed me whole in all those memories that tortured me for what seemed an eternity.
I am living proof, the Truth does impossible miracles.