Living to Worship

To bring Him joy is what I am created for…He is my delight. I will worship him with my life not just in a song but everything I do and say… everything I think and feel… Just to see him smile; just to hear him laugh again.

Jpeg
Jpeg

In the midst of my day I find myself welling up with tears for no reason but that I love my Savior. He is so good to me.  Everything I do; I do it for Him.  My Life’s work is to worship Him in everything I do, because He loves me… Because I love Him; because I enjoy seeing His beautiful smile on His face when He is pleased with me.  I love to hear him laugh it makes my heart leap within; I can hardly stand myself.  While driving delighting myself in singing to my Savior, My Father, My Teacher; the Spirit over takes me and I had to pull over and write these Words I hear in my spirit.

Your Words to me woo me ever nearer.  Words of Love captivate my soul.

I was made for You; for Your Glory; to worship You; to praise You; to honor You.  I was created for this alone, to bring you delight; to see you smile.

You are my breath of life; You breath and I live. You speak to me and it takes my breath away… again.

You hold my heart in the Your tender hands; gently, softly You build me up.  I shine because of You. You are my light, my delight, the joy of my life.

Who can love me like You do? Taken by love; I am free to be… all Yours.  My heart longs for You. Your presence is what I desire.

You call my name, and I am undone! You open my heart, to receive all of You. You are all that I want ; all I need.  Come to me; take me away with You; to where You are.

Teach me love; perfect Love; Your kind of love. Love that is free; free to give it all; to surrender it all; to the one I love. There is no other for me.

Take  Take my life if You will not stay with me. I can not live without You. I can not breathe without You.

I hang on Your Spoken Word. It is Life to me. I hear Your voice speak to me; speak and I will live. Speak and I will come running!

Waiting… waiting for You to just say the Word, and I am there with You. I belong with You, It is where I wanna be, I it is where I wanna stay.

Forever…

Forever…

Forever…

Amen.

 

Shhh!

Can you hear his voice whispering to you? Can you feel his presence all round you? Be still… Listen… Wait… He is there… waiting for you…

20160310_091327Shhh! Can you hear it?

Be still a while.  In the silence can you feel it? 

Shhh!  Close your eyes, cast out every thought.

  Step outside yourself.  Rid your flesh of any power.  Take captive your soul.  Give no room to distractions.

Shhh!  Can you hear it?   The faint whisper, of a voice? 

The whisper of the wind maybe?   Perhaps, the whisper of music that arises from the nothingness.   That whisper… can it be the voice from within… crying out… but unheard.

  What is it saying? Can you hear it?  Though faint at first the longer the silence remains the louder the voice becomes, the clearer it becomes.

   Shhh!   Do not speak a word,  only listen,  write what you hear, be specific; be clear. Can you hear it? 

What is it saying to you?  Be still and linger a little longer.  Can you feel it? Deep within who you are… can you feel it.  The stirring of the Spirit calling your name. 

ShhhJust wait… be still and wait a little longer

Now let go.  LET IT ALL GO!   Do you feel itIt’s called freedom!   Let the Spirit take you away.  Let the Spirit rapture you away out of this world and into his.

ShhhNo longerLet it all out! Shout his praises! Shout his glory! Shout he is worthy!

Sing for Joy! Sing for the Lord! Sing in the Spirit! Dance in the Spirit! Walk in the Spirit!

For the soul can no longer be silent in the presence of the Lord. The soul is caught up in his glory who can resist.

Set it free.  Do not hold it back.  Never let it rest. When it cries out heed its voice. Do not stop the Spirit.  Let nothing stand in the way.  Do today what you want to do in his presence.  Do today what you want to do for ever.  Just do it… no hindrances, no barriers, no walls, just wide open space to be free, to be limitless… to just be… his delight.

Paradise; the Garden of Delighting

In all of our getting, pursuing, seeking… let us not forget… There is a place we must find; attain before our last day. A place where we find rest for our souls and delight in the Garden called Eden…

decoupageThe more I read the Word the more I find my life following the same path from Genesis to Revelations and back again to its beginning.  I do not know how he does it but God is always at work and when I think I am falling behind… he shows me I am right where I am suppose to be. There are no coincidences with God… He knows what we need each and every moment of every day and night. 

I felt very hungry and thirsty but not physically. My soul was longing for more… more of what I was not sure.  My daily communion with the Father, Son and Holy Spirit seem to engulf my whole being and I do not realize the day has passed without me even taking notice to the time of day.  His Written Word is being Spoken to me… revealed face to face.  I forget I am here among the natural world.  I find myself being raptured up into his presence only realizing it when I am raptured back to this physical world. 

It is not as pleasant as one would think.  Being with Him… wherever he is… and then coming back to the natural realm is like going from the palace life to the pig farm.  I can not even compare it to prison because prison today is not like the prison I know.  I have been in a prison all my life… until I died.

  I can not compare the prison of this world to the prison of death.  Its hold is suffocating like a boa constrictor that slowly kills as though it enjoys the suffering of its victim.  This world and all its limits, prohibitions from our physical flesh to our soul… a prison no one wants to know.  Yet many spend there whole life there; in darkness, emptiness.

The only difference between here and there is you still have HOPE in this place… that God’s mercy and grace can be shown to you.  Over there… on the dark side of death, you lose all hope because hope no longer exist; all hope is gone in an instant, the twinkling of an eye it vanishes like breathing your last breath. 

I do not know why?  I can not reason it out… though I have asked the Father many times…why me?  Why did he enter into deaths deep, dark chambers and choose to search me out and pluck me up out of its hands… its iron bars… its chains that held me fast.  I may never fully understand why?  I am only utterly grateful.  I am bowed over in humility knowing I do not deserve such mercy, such kindness and such love.

   I cannot explain the length of time I was gone.  There is no time in death or in “heaven”.  Dark is always dark and Light is always light. I have seen both sides. My advice… don’t play in the darkness; you may find yourself lost and unable to find your way back out.   Every little sinful word, thought or deed takes you one more step deeper, descending into a downward spiral, like a vortex of a black hole.  A place no one returns from.

   Now that I know… the LIGHT is TRUTH and the TRUTH is the WORD and the WORD is GOD, I am in Awe and wonder.  It is not the Written Word that saves us but the Spoken Word… What I mean is… it is not just reading the Word that saves a soul.  No!   It is when God’s Spirit interprets what God means when he says… It Is Written!  

We have this funny corrupt way of interpreting God’s Perfect Word to mean what we want it to mean in our own understanding, experiences and environment. How else could we get so many people  “denominations” translating scripture to mean something God never intended. So what does man do?  He “revises” the Word of God.  He makes it say what will ease his conscience and make him feel good about who he is… in and of himself. They divide the WORD!

  I am nothing of the sort.  I once demanded my rights… declaring YOU SAID…!   It did not take the words to finish coming forth from my lips and The Voice of God thundered!   Will “I” demand my rights or His will to be done!   My heart stopped beating… again, I died!

   Who can die twice and be revived?   Who can be shown mercy twice and live to tell the story?   I do not know why he gives me such grace and mercy… but to reveal the TRUTH to me.  I am still here… he keeps sending me back… to tell others the TRUTH. 

  I write every day what he speaks to me. There are times he allows me to share what he speaks and others are shut up in my journal.  I cannot remember the half of what he taught me.   But somehow in the midst of conversing with others… my mouth has a voice of its own, the Holy Spirit takes over and I stand back in Awe; in amazement as I watch and listen to the Words coming out of my mouth without my brain being attached to it. 

  I admit… I am possess by the Spirit of the Living God.  I am not ashamed.  I can not hide it… He reveals himself when he feels like it and I will not hinder him or shove him back in into the box of my heart or mind; His Tabernacle.  I emptied my attic (mind) the Holy Place now, and the basement (heart) the Most Holy place… of everything! 

  I buried what I crucified, and the excess flesh circumcised that was getting in the way of the Light.  Like taking down the curtains from the windows of my mind and heart to let the sun shine in.   It is exhilarating… like being on the beach… the water; rushing over me and the sunlight  warming a cold ground ,the soil of the heart; life giving… from winter to spring.

  I am alive!  I am the seed he planted and I am growing ever higher and higher to the heights of  heaven where he dwells.  Perhaps he will be able to reach out and pluck fruit from my branches and eat of its fruit.  After all the  “Owner” should be the first to  eat the first of what he has sown.

  I give him all the fruit; the whole tree dedicated to the Lord… not just the tithe.  I will keep nothing for myself. It is enough to see the look on his face as he enjoys the fruit of his labors.  I am honored; privileged to see the look on his face and enjoy his presence.  He makes me want to shine brighter, grow higher and multiply more and more fruit… just because I can see his face light up… I can see him smile and say… that’s good; that is really good.

  I cry… for joy that floods my soul.  I cry… that all may know him as I do.  “We” are created for Eden… to delight in him and He in us… to walk and talk with him in the cool of the day; to allow him to be the Light of our Life, the Joy of our Heart.  What more could anyone want?  What more could we desire?  Anything else is natural flesh; it is sin; it is an idol that has no place in his temple.

  Come into the garden; taste and see how sweet it is to “know” the Lord; our God; our Savior.

Outside Myself

Where can I go. Where can I find peace…I close my eyes and let go of all that weighs me down. I am raptured away

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The longer I linger in your presence the more I long to stay. Don’t make me go… don’t make me leave.  I can not… Breathe… without you. 

I have found my place, I have found my home, it is here with you.  What can you give me that could take your place? There is nothing I desire but to be with you.  You are the love of my life; the joy that overwhelms my soul.  What can you give me but to allow me to stay, stay by your side… stay face to face with my one and only beloved.

  I am not myself when I am not with you.  I can not go on without you.  You are the song in my heart.   You are the one I dream of through the day and the night… when I long for you… you are here with me.  All I need to do is close my eyes and I am raptured away into your presence.  It is there I am free from the limits of this fleshly prison that keeps me from you. 

I hear you whisper my name and my whole being is ignited with life.  My spirit leaps, my flesh dies, my soul released from its confines of this world.  I run to you; arms open wide and love overflowing, I leap in your arms and you catch me mid-air… yes, you meet me in the air and off we go together to the secret place where only you and I know the way. 

Outside myself I can be anything I desire. Still… all I want… is to be with you.  You can not persuade me with silver or gold, no diamonds or rubies,  no mansion not even fame or power could turn me from you.  What is it that compares to you?  

No… I do not seek a crown  of gold, nor streets of gold.  I do not seek a reward for anything I might do for you… I am glad you allowed me the privilege … the honor of being used for your glory and majesty. 

Outside myself I am limitless and I can do anything for you.  But what I desire most is to hear your voice, look into your eyes and feel the love pouring out of you and into me.  I close my eyes as my spirit is moved; inspired to dance… to just let go and let the spirit have its way with me. 

I will worship you in the song and dance.  I will worship you with my life; my whole heart; my whole mind… I will hide nothing from you… I am… an open door… you are welcome to come to me night or day. 

Who am I that you desire to speak with me.  I hunger for it.  I thirst for your wisdom that waters my soul like the spring rains water the garden.  Come… come into my garden.  Come and see the beauty that abounds within.  Come smell the sweetness of my praises for you.  Let it be a fragrance that intoxicates better than wine. 

I will worship you for you are mine and I am yours… I am not myself when I am not with you.  You are my sunshine, you are the breeze in the air.  You are the beautiful blue skies and all creation reveals who you are.  I will give thanks to you the one I love.  I will do anything to see that smile I know so well.  I love to hear you laugh from deep within.  I love when you answer my question with a question… Oh how it stirs me from within. 

Still … outside myself I can be anything but all I desire is to be your beloved.  I beg… I plea, don’t make me leave… don’t make me go away from your presence.  Again you remind me… You will never leave me nor forsake me… you will be with me for all eternity.  I breath… I close my eyes longing.  I lay my head upon your chest and I weep… Not for sorrow, not for loss… I weep that all would know how deep, how wide, how great is your love for us… How you long to love us… perfectly.

Why do we resist your love?  Why?  Outside myself I can be anything… but all I want is to be with you.  I beg… I plea, let me know you more.  Tell me your hearts desires.  Tell me of the wisdom you conceal from the world; hidden from the natural soul. 

I will sit at your feet and hang on every word you speak.  Your voice is like music to my ears and my soul rejoices.  Sweeter than honey; more nourishing than the best of foods is your Spoken Word.  I can never get enough… I want to hear more. 

I want more of you… less of me.  Don’t make me go… don’t make me leave your face. I am captivated by those eyes of love.  I am undone… Transparent and oblivious to anything but you.  Your words fill me; there is no room for anything of the world, the flesh or the foolishness bound up in self. 

How can I go back. How can I be part of “that” world when I cannot live like they do.  I do not belong. I will not compromise…I cannot.  

My soul is bound up in you… in you alone.  I rest in your embrace and I drift off into bliss… knowing you are holding me in your arms.  You are here… by my side… outside myself. Don’t make me go… don’t make me leave… My life is bound up in you.   Come let us walk together; lets us delight in one another; lets just be…forever and forever.

Alien

There is no other place I’d rather be than in your arms… You holding me and I you… What sweet joy can there be than to know you are loved.

Though I am in a far away land,

I own nothing,

I enjoy what I can.

I find the beauty in the things most take for granted.

This land is not my home,

None of it belongs to me.

Though I enjoy it, use it, walk in it…

It is not my own.

I do not belong.

I am not at home.

Try as I might, it will never compare,

It will never come close…

To being with you.

Eclipsed by You

In the light of Your Glory I am undone… I become the nothingness so you can be the center of who I am… all that I am!

cropped-phone-downloads-287.jpgThe more time I spend in your presence the more I long to stay, never again to return to the past.  I find myself desiring more of you… less of me…

 Like the sun eclipsing the moon I am undone. You become the light that surpasses mine.  I may shine in the darkness like the fullness of the moon but you … you make me disappear in your sight.

I am undone… I am nothing… unseen by your glory and still I long to be in your presence. I long to allow you to shine still brighter and I… I am becoming the nothingness that no one sees.  All they see… is you.  All they praise… is you.  All they seek… is you! 

You are my solar eclipse .  It is You… between me and those upon the earth.  I will gladly take my place behind your back and allow you to shine in all your glory. I will gladly take my place and follow you.  You lead the way. I will not steal your glory. I will not be like a lunar eclipse,  blocking you from those upon the earth.  I will not stand in your way as you seek to shine your beautiful face upon those still walking in darkness.  SHINE, my Beloved, SHINE !  

I will not hide you in my heart. I will not put you in a box and hide you in the attic of my mind nor in the basement of my heart.  No, how can I… you are like a fire that consumes everything within me. I am undone…

You far eclipse me in perfect love, perfect light and perfect wisdom. How can I be so bold as to lift myself above your radiant countenance.  How can I think that my light is greater than you… the giver of light. 

Nay say I… I am only a spark, ignited by your presence.  I am undone… eclipsed by your love that swallows me up, like the day swallows up the night.  You are my eclipse, still you are humble … you are a gentleman… in your great confidence you allow me to shine in the darkness.  The fullness of the moon gives like in the darkness like the morning rising to declare your glory.  Even in the darkness when things are not as they appear.  You reveal them to those who are walking in your light.  The place I long to be forever… always looking into your face like the full moon smiling… bursting with your glory, your grace, your mercy… to remind us you are here.  You dwell among us even in the darkness… even when we can not see clearly what lies ahead .

Give me the grace to never leave you; to always be like the moon in full face, facing you yet not hindering your light, your radiance, your glory.  Give me grace and do not consume me from your presence.  Do not take your light from me  or I will be like those that have died for lack of light.  In the utter darkness there can be no life… and still you are there in the deepest darkness I found you resurrecting me to life… igniting this fallen spark, created to worship you. Created for your glory. Created to delight in you.  Created to be One with you in all you glory…

We shine together not in competition with one another, for love does not compete… love completes. 

Your glory makes me shine and it all returns to you to make you shine still more glorious… I can not understand it all.  I only know what I have seen and heard in your presence. I learn from watching you; I learn and I am changed.  I am transformed; I am undone…  Never, I beg, never make me leave for it would be impossible for me to turn away from your face.  I can not… I will not. 

 I only exist because of your light.  You are the light of my life. The joy of my life the fullness of who I am, the radiance of your glory, your face shining on me making me live and breathe and have my being all wrapped up in you. 

The things you have shown me… I am still speechless.. I write them but only between you and I… for now… when you are ready you will reveal the secrets of your heart to those who will truly seek  you… not just your salvation, not just your blessings, not just to be healed… but seeking to know who you are in Spirit, Soul and Body…

Yes… We are created in your image… If we are Spirit, Soul and Body then You are too.  Your Word, your People, all creation becomes your BODY.  We exist as a part of who you are.  Each of us having a different purpose… some more noble, some more modest, some more visible… some remain invisible.  It is those invisible ones that become the most intimate, the beating of your heart, the breath of life, the blood that flows and gives life wherever it goes.  This unseen glory never respected, never honored, never appreciated … but taken for granted, abused and neglected by the rest of the body.  Unheard of… unthinkable that the body would not protect its most vital unseen secret parts.  But sells it to its highest bidder… all for sheer pleasure. That bears with it consequences that eclipse the pleasure.

 In the darkness, the invisible grieves… suffering… unseen, unheard and unattended. The pleasures of sin eclipses the pure light, like clouds hiding the sunlight; clouds without rain; fog dense, heavy and burdensome.  Still the light shines for those who rise above the clouds… those who soar the heights of the unseen, invisible realm of the Spirit.  The place I call home… the place I long to stay …the place where I am free at last from the burden of this prison.

This body longs to worship you night and day but it is weak and grows weary.  I am forced by natural laws to be still and rest for a while…  and still in my sleep… I dream of you, I talk with you, I walk with you as though I have never left… we pick up where we left off…

In the Garden… The place I was created… The place where I belong… The place where I was birthed by you ; for the “soul” purpose to delight in you… worship you alone, to pour out my love… the very love you filled me with, returns to you 100 fold.  You have reaped what you have sown in me and I am delighted to share the harvest with you, to be called to tabernacle with you; to be in fellowship and communion with you is my hearts delight.  I am honored to be invited into your presence, to eat at your table, feasting on your wisdom, your words are like honey and they enlighten the eyes of my understanding… to see you fully face to face despite your radiance and the brightness of you countenance. 

Let me sing of your beauty, let me dance before you to pour out a love that is not spoken with words, words no human has spoken,  words that go unspoken that only the Spirit can declare them… only those who allow the Spirit to possess them completely and wholly can speak what words can not utter.  

Here I AM…  

Yes, I AM because you are … and I AM made in your image, in your likeness

Because you eclipse me by far and I am humbled; I AM undone!

No Place Like Home

I dream of home… torn between here and there… To do the Fathers will; to be separated from his presence… to be obedient, to serve, to rejoice and be glad he has chosen me to be his vessel… I am humbled.

20160322_185613.jpgThere is no place like home. 

What shall I compare it to?

My home is not of this world.  The more time I spend away from the world the less I desire to return.

I have gone home to my Fathers house.  There he greets me with more than just arms open wide and a smile on his face.   He is eager to speak with me to reveal his plans to me and share his heart freely with me.

I can hardly wait to see my beloved again…  Though he is with me always… in my heart.  There is nothing like being in his presence; free from the flesh; free from earthly things… free from the natural world.

I can not stop smiling… I love my Father and my Beloved more than words can express.

The Teacher  greets me with such excitement and joy I can not help but run to him and wrap myself around him.   I am full of expectation… though exhausted from the warfare on the earthly realm, I have a passion for all that is spirit.  I never grow weary of learning the way of the kingdom. 

I love being home…   My place is with my family… my one and only true family.  What  I lack on the earth I have double in the spirit.  No comparison… I will take the spirit over the natural any day and time.  The Teacher can not wait to get started teaching…

I must refrain for a time to see my Beloved… I long for him so.  He is my hearts desire…  I am his…

I can hardly take in all the Father has to say as we feast together on the goodness of His kingdom.

Yes, I am out of my mind…  I do not belong to the world any longer…

My visits to the natural world seem to be shorter and shorter, while my visits home seem to get longer and longer.  I perhaps one day will no longer return to the natural world… I will stay with my Father, My Beloved and My Teacher for ever…

Every day with them seems to be…  endless;  yet it feels like I have just arrived and I am off again…  One more mission… one more life to impact… one more vessel to fill.

I am more than glad to be of service to my Father’s house.  I love the Father’s business… he saves lives…  He is an interventionist to say the least!   The more I learn from him the more he asks of me…

I must admit some battles come with scars and wounds… from the natural world.

This so called natural family… the place where I was placed… they are not kind… They can not see what the Father has done… They only see a product of man’s so called “love”…  They can not let go of who I was… a product of  man’s worldly wisdom, teaching, environment and works.

Though that world should slay  me… I am resurrected a new creation… they know me not;  I am the Father’s creation.

I am his work in progress… He is not only my Father but my Mentor… I watch every thing he does.  I pick his “brain” to know how he thinks… He always smiles… glad to see me so eager to understand his ways. 

I am most humble to know; to see… How much my Father loves me…  He has arranged a husband for me… though not looking… not seeking one.   It never even entered my mind.  He has been my Knight in Shining Armor…  His Son… My Beloved… He gave his life for me… He saved me … from them… who hated me with out cause.

Though I knew it not; he showed me a great kindness… He allowed me to die… so he could resurrect me… so I could truly live.  Had anyone told me; I would not believe it… had I not seen it for myself…

It is when I come home… I am so excited I forget how exhausted I am…I am reminded time and time again… to rest… It is only when the adrenaline ebbs away the full impact of my exhaustion grabs hold of me with a vengeance.

Yes… the crash and burn takes hold of me even in his presence.   It is the flesh that still limits me… until I finally put off this natural body and forever dwell in that glorious body…  limitless… and free.  Always… this body getting in the way of my time with my Father, my Beloved and my Teacher.

I am forced to return… I can not say I relish it… It takes days sometimes weeks to recover from my return.   The Teacher encourages me even while I sleep… I hear him speaking and  I reply… waking suddenly to find myself “physically” alone.

Sometimes I forget… This world does not operate like the kingdom… I can not live like the world… It is not proper;  it is not the Fathers will or way!  I cry out… I do not know how to live here anymore… It is not right… it is not the normal I know… what I have learned from the Father and the Teacher. 

My Beloved has written me love letters… I read them over and over again.  I keep them before me… in my heart, in the forefront of my mind, upon my lips night and day.  I rehearse his Words with my mouth… I meditate on his Words like a song in my heart.  I sing of him and dance to the music he has put in my heart… his love for me and I for him…

The world tells me I am a dreamer… I have a vivid imagination…If it be so… them I shall be a dreamer and dwell in my imaginations… they are life and peace as I have never known before… It is perfect love undefiled.

Though the natural world can not see what I see… they can not go where I go…  They can not comprehend what they can not understand… I can only be a light in their darkness.

I am not proud… but humbled that I should be called by my Father to be of such a service to him… not just a heap of ash, consumed by the fire of purification… but rather gold purified by the refiner himself.

How I long for all to know the Father, my Beloved and my Teacher as I do… Some things are so magnificent I have no words to utter.  I can only write them in a book. If he should grant me the honor to speak them…  I pray for grace and mercy, that it would be the Spirit and not my flesh trying to speak the truth I have learned and now treasure with my whole heart.

I linger more and more in his presence… forgetting the things of this world… They have no power over me… to lure me away… to keep me from the Father, my Beloved or my Teacher.

Though they try… they are fruitless… condemning me does not move me… slander has no power… their lies void to impress me to even look their way… I go on merrily… singing in the rain; dancing in the midst of the storm, always fixed on the face of my Beloved, and my Father… remembering all the Teacher has taught me and putting it to work for my good!

I am blessed!

I am exceedingly abundantly Blessed… in my spirit, soul and body!   What can any man do to me… but to slay this flesh and set me free… free at last, free at last, free at last.  I invite putting away this flesh, to slay it; what ever may come… until then I will go on praising my Father, loving the way of the kingdom and learning still more; ever more, the never ending wisdom of who he is…

He is my Father!