I dream of home… torn between here and there… To do the Fathers will; to be separated from his presence… to be obedient, to serve, to rejoice and be glad he has chosen me to be his vessel… I am humbled.
There is no place like home.
What shall I compare it to?
My home is not of this world. The more time I spend away from the world the less I desire to return.
I have gone home to my Fathers house. There he greets me with more than just arms open wide and a smile on his face. He is eager to speak with me to reveal his plans to me and share his heart freely with me.
I can hardly wait to see my beloved again… Though he is with me always… in my heart. There is nothing like being in his presence; free from the flesh; free from earthly things… free from the natural world.
I can not stop smiling… I love my Father and my Beloved more than words can express.
The Teacher greets me with such excitement and joy I can not help but run to him and wrap myself around him. I am full of expectation… though exhausted from the warfare on the earthly realm, I have a passion for all that is spirit. I never grow weary of learning the way of the kingdom.
I love being home… My place is with my family… my one and only true family. What I lack on the earth I have double in the spirit. No comparison… I will take the spirit over the natural any day and time. The Teacher can not wait to get started teaching…
I must refrain for a time to see my Beloved… I long for him so. He is my hearts desire… I am his…
I can hardly take in all the Father has to say as we feast together on the goodness of His kingdom.
Yes, I am out of my mind… I do not belong to the world any longer…
My visits to the natural world seem to be shorter and shorter, while my visits home seem to get longer and longer. I perhaps one day will no longer return to the natural world… I will stay with my Father, My Beloved and My Teacher for ever…
Every day with them seems to be… endless; yet it feels like I have just arrived and I am off again… One more mission… one more life to impact… one more vessel to fill.
I am more than glad to be of service to my Father’s house. I love the Father’s business… he saves lives… He is an interventionist to say the least! The more I learn from him the more he asks of me…
I must admit some battles come with scars and wounds… from the natural world.
This so called natural family… the place where I was placed… they are not kind… They can not see what the Father has done… They only see a product of man’s so called “love”… They can not let go of who I was… a product of man’s worldly wisdom, teaching, environment and works.
Though that world should slay me… I am resurrected a new creation… they know me not; I am the Father’s creation.
I am his work in progress… He is not only my Father but my Mentor… I watch every thing he does. I pick his “brain” to know how he thinks… He always smiles… glad to see me so eager to understand his ways.
I am most humble to know; to see… How much my Father loves me… He has arranged a husband for me… though not looking… not seeking one. It never even entered my mind. He has been my Knight in Shining Armor… His Son… My Beloved… He gave his life for me… He saved me … from them… who hated me with out cause.
Though I knew it not; he showed me a great kindness… He allowed me to die… so he could resurrect me… so I could truly live. Had anyone told me; I would not believe it… had I not seen it for myself…
It is when I come home… I am so excited I forget how exhausted I am…I am reminded time and time again… to rest… It is only when the adrenaline ebbs away the full impact of my exhaustion grabs hold of me with a vengeance.
Yes… the crash and burn takes hold of me even in his presence. It is the flesh that still limits me… until I finally put off this natural body and forever dwell in that glorious body… limitless… and free. Always… this body getting in the way of my time with my Father, my Beloved and my Teacher.
I am forced to return… I can not say I relish it… It takes days sometimes weeks to recover from my return. The Teacher encourages me even while I sleep… I hear him speaking and I reply… waking suddenly to find myself “physically” alone.
Sometimes I forget… This world does not operate like the kingdom… I can not live like the world… It is not proper; it is not the Fathers will or way! I cry out… I do not know how to live here anymore… It is not right… it is not the normal I know… what I have learned from the Father and the Teacher.
My Beloved has written me love letters… I read them over and over again. I keep them before me… in my heart, in the forefront of my mind, upon my lips night and day. I rehearse his Words with my mouth… I meditate on his Words like a song in my heart. I sing of him and dance to the music he has put in my heart… his love for me and I for him…
The world tells me I am a dreamer… I have a vivid imagination…If it be so… them I shall be a dreamer and dwell in my imaginations… they are life and peace as I have never known before… It is perfect love undefiled.
Though the natural world can not see what I see… they can not go where I go… They can not comprehend what they can not understand… I can only be a light in their darkness.
I am not proud… but humbled that I should be called by my Father to be of such a service to him… not just a heap of ash, consumed by the fire of purification… but rather gold purified by the refiner himself.
How I long for all to know the Father, my Beloved and my Teacher as I do… Some things are so magnificent I have no words to utter. I can only write them in a book. If he should grant me the honor to speak them… I pray for grace and mercy, that it would be the Spirit and not my flesh trying to speak the truth I have learned and now treasure with my whole heart.
I linger more and more in his presence… forgetting the things of this world… They have no power over me… to lure me away… to keep me from the Father, my Beloved or my Teacher.
Though they try… they are fruitless… condemning me does not move me… slander has no power… their lies void to impress me to even look their way… I go on merrily… singing in the rain; dancing in the midst of the storm, always fixed on the face of my Beloved, and my Father… remembering all the Teacher has taught me and putting it to work for my good!
I am blessed!
I am exceedingly abundantly Blessed… in my spirit, soul and body! What can any man do to me… but to slay this flesh and set me free… free at last, free at last, free at last. I invite putting away this flesh, to slay it; what ever may come… until then I will go on praising my Father, loving the way of the kingdom and learning still more; ever more, the never ending wisdom of who he is…
He is my Father!